Noisy neighbors

For the record you can have good neighbors, but that doesn't mean they are quiet! This is worse when there is a young man living there too. Our neighbors have such a child that is into automobiles..and thinks it is appropriate to park the selections in front of our house- which drives me crazy!!! I worked hard on my house to get tit o look nice- your pos car is not part of it. Also they think is ooohhh soo much fun to rev the car(s) during the day and night- Loud roaring engines is not a sound I like to hear at anytime of the day- Especially if I am trying to relax on my back porch or relax with the dog- but can't because my dog hates loud noises! Grrr- It is not that they are bad neighbors- they mow the lawn- keep the house looking nice- but the cars are enough to drive me batty and I find it terribly rude and inconsiderate- thank goodness I don't have kids that may be taking naps or I would be raising you know what!

Sigh and the ramble begin

That is how I feel- someone let the air out of my sails and I am not sure why? I think I'm just feeling a little ucky about my life...Need some direction and a few more ounces of confidence..I find myself being more and more jealous of others. I mean everything..someone's wedding, someone's new furniture, someone's body,..the list goes on. I don't recall feeling this way before...I think its because my confidence has waned so much over the last few years- i mean I moved to a new city- new jobs- new dance kids- well new ev everything... I think I let myself get lost and the things that I drew the little bit of confidence i had was gone- I was no longer surrounded by my friends- my dance family- my favorite boss- I lost my body that I had worked hard to achieve- All of it gone and all that was left was me... I struggle with feeling good about my jobs..I want something I am proud of...I want to be more proud of my marriage..I want to be more proud of me..How I handle life and my feelings- The only thing in this life I can truly control is me...I need to start doing that...I can control it...I can let things drag me down-or i can move past them...One situation is particularly hard....I now someone getting married and I am not sure how i feel about the fiance..On top of that I don't know anybody at the wedding and the few I do- will probably not want to see me..great right- you would think this would cause me anxiety- not depression- yet I just get extremely sad when i think about it...I get sad thinking about anyone's wedding- I did to many things at mine that were not for me..STUPID- the wedding is for you and your fiance or at least it should be....Gaaa ya know when did i become this person- one that just rolls over and doesn't fight for what she wants...I want more out of my life...This isn't the life that I thought I would have- which is so dumb because in some ways I have a better life than I thought I might have..I need to to get over the expectation of what I thought...I need to create a new picture of my life..one that is fluid..one that can change...but one that I am happy about and proud of!

" A change should do you good"

A change is sometimes the best thing for you or the worst thing for you! Maybe you are excited about an upcoming move? A new place to start over? What if the things that were changing before you left- follow you? Arguments with your spouse-anxiety and depression- family problems.. the list goes on.... I know I would like a fresh start- but I guess you need to resolve things before trying to make a change... Some many things- so little time- right? It is funny to me how things change so quickly that sometimes you miss it...and only notice when the change is over. Ever look at yourself in the mirror and wonder who is staring back at you? It could be because you are not happy, gained weight- lost too much weight- Isn't it funny how you miss the process? It is not just you that goes through changes either- Your family grows up around you- your spouse changes- things that were cute are annoying- things that were annoying now cause laughter--how does all this change happen right underneath our noses?

Beer for thought

Umm yeah that beer commercial where the girls get hotter with the beer? Excuse me? Why don't the douchey looking guys change? The party only gets started when the girls are hot? Don't get me wrong, i think every girl tries to look good when going out, but girls want good looking guys too- so i will drink the beer that turns all the guys hot- how about that!?

A random Pet Peeve

As I am blogging I am watching TV- it is really a horrible habit - but sitting in a quiet empty house is a little creepy- anyway I notice there are so many of these commercials about "Did you take this drug? Contact us you may be entitled to money" This really gets under my skin as many of these drugs have the warnings on the label! DUH its like suing the tobacco company when you have been smoking your whole life- IT IS ON THE PACKAGE its is BAD FOR YOU! It just irritates me that the law system is so backed up with frivolous law suits!. I think it is wrong to push lawsuits on people. - the end

Communitcation

We all learn to speak at a young age..yet why do we found it so hard to speak to one another? When do we start to assume people know what we are thinking or feeling? I know it is stereotypically a "women" thing, but I think this a problem we all suffer from. How often do you tell your boss what is wrong with you, when they ask you? Especially if you are upset with them. When your significant other asks you "what's wrong?" how often to you answer or tell the truth? Why do we start thinking the other person can read our minds or assume they should know what is wrong? Why do we learn to speak when we can't learn to communicate? Why are we so fearful of saying what is really on our minds? Granted it feels sometimes that even when we do speak our minds that the other person is not really listening- but you end up feeling icky either way right? So why not just spit it out at least then you have a real reason to be upset.

Nagging

Yup the nagging feeling is back and of course i have no idea why- although i am happy to report that our dog was fine while we were gone and so was i :) - lol anyway that nagging feeling... Like something is pulling at the back of my mind- maybe its the book i am reading- i get too involved sometimes and forget that i am not part of the story, nor is it real. Maybe thats it? Maybe its that i havent been diligent in my journaling... I am sure that is part if it- it is easier to keep my head on straight when i can kind of lay my thoughts out in black and white- i also go to the dr tom... Which may provide bad news or worse no news at all, sadly knowing/learning nothing is just as bad as bad news...maybe its just a little bit of everything-job is going ok- getting burnt out and i am finding it harder to clean to hope that I will truly be happy with where i am at... In my job and in life... No wonder my brain is such a nag- too much to think about with no desire to think about it...