Crossing Paths

Take a minute and think about all the people you meet. The guy that lets you merge over, the girl at the checkout, the friend you called, the spouse you cuddle with at night...what effect do you have on these people? Do you leave a good impression on the strangers you meet? Do make your friends and family love you a little bit more each time you meet them? Could you actually be pushing them each time you meet them? What effect do you have on them? Do they look to you for advice? for support? or do the just wait for you to leave? What about the people you teach? Are you leaving a positive impression on them? Will they look back on their lives and remember you? Will they remember what you taught them- did you inspire them to do great things? Did you inspire them to do better? Wouldn't it be great if you could know those things? Most people don't stop and thank you for what you do or did. If you have never thanked that school teacher, karate instructor, the dance teacher, the relative that helped guide you- maybe you should- let them know they improved your life- and hey maybe if they didn't let them know that too- help improve their lives- Take time to thank those around you- for whatever it is they do/help in your life-

Destiny

Destiny is, according to Wikipedia, a predetermined course of events. It may be conceived as a predetermined future, whether in general or of an individual. Okay well that sounds good and all..but what is it really? Are we all destined to accomplish certain things in life..is it all great things? How do we know if we fulfill our destinies? Is that why some of us feel at odds with our life and life decisions-because we have not fulfilled our destinies? How are we supposed to figure out what that is? Although, it does seem some of us are destined for certain things- that  kid that bandages all his pets becomes a great vet, the child that plays classroom with dolls becomes a teacher- but some of us are not so easy to figure out. What about all us "artsy" people- the ones that seem to "drift"- are we not destined for greatness as well? Many of us also have multiple passions- how can we choose which passion will lead us to our destiny? Obviously I am feeling a bit conflicted- I feel as is I am missing something..something is missing in my life- I feel like an incomplete puzzle- Is it my anxiety? Is it my depression? Is it my job? My marriage? My family? Where is my conflict stemming from? Is it because I know I am missing something? Do I subconsciously know that I am on the wrong path or that i need to start looking for a new path? Am I just stubborn for thinking that I meant to do more in my life-than what I am doing now? Is this something that everyone feels or just some us? Does it really mean we are missing something? I do  think that we all have purpose in life and that we mean something to someone..but I think we need to  mean the most to ourselves. If we are not happy with ourselves we can not be happy for or with anyone else. The big question is how do we get there? How do we find ourselves- get to our destinies-or at least get to where we feel fulfilled- There of course is not easy answer to this question, but can't someone at least provide a road map?

The D-Word

The D-word...that horrible word that married couples never want to hear...DIVORCE..why is this word so scary- it is just a word right? It is often said in times of frustration..hurt....or anger..but that word can leave an emotional scar the size of the grand canyon. It causes such pain and floods of tears. Why is it so scary? Unless your spouse actually says- "I want a divorce" it is just a word right? Wrong- it brings up so many emotions- why did they say that word? Did they mean? Would he/she really leave me? Can we fix this? Are they right?  Is is because it seems so easy and common that when that word is uttered that we all clench? Why does it feel like the wind has been knocked out of you? My advice is to outlaw that word in your marriage- Make it so that you can't/won't say it in an argument- that is one of those words that can not just be taken back or erased- it will overshadow everything you say and do for awhile after- petrifying you- being overly cautious in everything you say and do- and can drive a large wedge between you and your spouse- Just a word huh? Sticks and Stones right?  WRONG- Emotional scars heal slower than the physical ones- watch what you say- you never know if you can really take it back.

Noisy neighbors

For the record you can have good neighbors, but that doesn't mean they are quiet! This is worse when there is a young man living there too. Our neighbors have such a child that is into automobiles..and thinks it is appropriate to park the selections in front of our house- which drives me crazy!!! I worked hard on my house to get tit o look nice- your pos car is not part of it. Also they think is ooohhh soo much fun to rev the car(s) during the day and night- Loud roaring engines is not a sound I like to hear at anytime of the day- Especially if I am trying to relax on my back porch or relax with the dog- but can't because my dog hates loud noises! Grrr- It is not that they are bad neighbors- they mow the lawn- keep the house looking nice- but the cars are enough to drive me batty and I find it terribly rude and inconsiderate- thank goodness I don't have kids that may be taking naps or I would be raising you know what!

Sigh and the ramble begin

That is how I feel- someone let the air out of my sails and I am not sure why? I think I'm just feeling a little ucky about my life...Need some direction and a few more ounces of confidence..I find myself being more and more jealous of others. I mean everything..someone's wedding, someone's new furniture, someone's body,..the list goes on. I don't recall feeling this way before...I think its because my confidence has waned so much over the last few years- i mean I moved to a new city- new jobs- new dance kids- well new ev everything... I think I let myself get lost and the things that I drew the little bit of confidence i had was gone- I was no longer surrounded by my friends- my dance family- my favorite boss- I lost my body that I had worked hard to achieve- All of it gone and all that was left was me... I struggle with feeling good about my jobs..I want something I am proud of...I want to be more proud of my marriage..I want to be more proud of me..How I handle life and my feelings- The only thing in this life I can truly control is me...I need to start doing that...I can control it...I can let things drag me down-or i can move past them...One situation is particularly hard....I now someone getting married and I am not sure how i feel about the fiance..On top of that I don't know anybody at the wedding and the few I do- will probably not want to see me..great right- you would think this would cause me anxiety- not depression- yet I just get extremely sad when i think about it...I get sad thinking about anyone's wedding- I did to many things at mine that were not for me..STUPID- the wedding is for you and your fiance or at least it should be....Gaaa ya know when did i become this person- one that just rolls over and doesn't fight for what she wants...I want more out of my life...This isn't the life that I thought I would have- which is so dumb because in some ways I have a better life than I thought I might have..I need to to get over the expectation of what I thought...I need to create a new picture of my life..one that is fluid..one that can change...but one that I am happy about and proud of!

" A change should do you good"

A change is sometimes the best thing for you or the worst thing for you! Maybe you are excited about an upcoming move? A new place to start over? What if the things that were changing before you left- follow you? Arguments with your spouse-anxiety and depression- family problems.. the list goes on.... I know I would like a fresh start- but I guess you need to resolve things before trying to make a change... Some many things- so little time- right? It is funny to me how things change so quickly that sometimes you miss it...and only notice when the change is over. Ever look at yourself in the mirror and wonder who is staring back at you? It could be because you are not happy, gained weight- lost too much weight- Isn't it funny how you miss the process? It is not just you that goes through changes either- Your family grows up around you- your spouse changes- things that were cute are annoying- things that were annoying now cause laughter--how does all this change happen right underneath our noses?

Beer for thought

Umm yeah that beer commercial where the girls get hotter with the beer? Excuse me? Why don't the douchey looking guys change? The party only gets started when the girls are hot? Don't get me wrong, i think every girl tries to look good when going out, but girls want good looking guys too- so i will drink the beer that turns all the guys hot- how about that!?