Sigh and the ramble begin

That is how I feel- someone let the air out of my sails and I am not sure why? I think I'm just feeling a little ucky about my life...Need some direction and a few more ounces of confidence..I find myself being more and more jealous of others. I mean everything..someone's wedding, someone's new furniture, someone's body,..the list goes on. I don't recall feeling this way before...I think its because my confidence has waned so much over the last few years- i mean I moved to a new city- new jobs- new dance kids- well new ev everything... I think I let myself get lost and the things that I drew the little bit of confidence i had was gone- I was no longer surrounded by my friends- my dance family- my favorite boss- I lost my body that I had worked hard to achieve- All of it gone and all that was left was me... I struggle with feeling good about my jobs..I want something I am proud of...I want to be more proud of my marriage..I want to be more proud of me..How I handle life and my feelings- The only thing in this life I can truly control is me...I need to start doing that...I can control it...I can let things drag me down-or i can move past them...One situation is particularly hard....I now someone getting married and I am not sure how i feel about the fiance..On top of that I don't know anybody at the wedding and the few I do- will probably not want to see me..great right- you would think this would cause me anxiety- not depression- yet I just get extremely sad when i think about it...I get sad thinking about anyone's wedding- I did to many things at mine that were not for me..STUPID- the wedding is for you and your fiance or at least it should be....Gaaa ya know when did i become this person- one that just rolls over and doesn't fight for what she wants...I want more out of my life...This isn't the life that I thought I would have- which is so dumb because in some ways I have a better life than I thought I might have..I need to to get over the expectation of what I thought...I need to create a new picture of my life..one that is fluid..one that can change...but one that I am happy about and proud of!